I've been so very fortunate to have a career that has allowed me to speak before thousands of people over the past 30 plus years. A chosen profession that has allowed me to influence business leaders and young people in different parts of the world. I've rubbed shoulders with the wealthy, powerful, men and women in governments and business in a variety of industries around the globe. I've been given the greatest education of all by being in the presence of really smart and gifted people who are experts in their field of endeavor and I've learned so much from them. They have made me better, professionally and personally.
I've watched and listened to powerful people who have delivered directives, motivational and inspirational speeches. I've also witnessed unkind and destructive actions and statements hurled at their subjects.
As a communicator myself, I've reminded my audiences over the years of what the Australian aphorist William George Plunkett said " Three things that never come back: the spent arrow the spoken word the lost opportunity."
However, there are some words I seldom hear from leaders. Two words, in particular, I've rarely heard from those in authority and power which are...."I'm Sorry".
In our woke society, there seems to be an abundant number of people who are eager to be offended these days. As a result, we've watched celebrities and politicians issue self-protective apologies if they've been criticized for saying something others might take offense to. Some have even lost their jobs. As ridiculous as I believe that is, that is not the issue I'm focused on today. Wokeness has nothing to do with my concern in this writing.
I'm talking about the CEO, the line boss, the parent, the coworker the political leader who has lost their temper who’s made a decision or took action, made a curt remark, which has harmed another person. Seldom do any of these people of influence say "I'm Sorry" or "I've made a mistake" - "Forgive me". Sadly, many in positions of influence hurl destructive words carelessly just because they can and are never called out for their actions.
I myself can recall damaging words and actions I've distributed that now, I painfully regret. The old rhyme we chanted as children "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me". That's a lie! Words do hurt and may have lifelong consequences.
Why is it that leaders can't (or won't) simply say, "I'm sorry" when they know they were out of line?
Here's is a short list of why. And I speak from experience.
Pride, arrogance, self-aggrandizement, cluelessness, haughtiness, indifference, detachment, callousness, hubris just to name a few.
I know which category I fall in. Do you?
It's never too late for you to change your behavior and speech. It may not be easy and will require an honest and disciplined life change. Here are some suggestions to consider.
1. Somehow, someway, find out what people think of you as a communicator. Do they consider you honest, creditable, helpful or harmful, consistent, caring, cruel, considerate, full of yourself, or mindful of others?
2. Become truly aware of your failings as well as your giftedness and the damage, confusion, or encouragement that may arise from your words, deeds and actions. If you are a person of influence, you'll no doubt hear of the victories, as people tell you when you've inspired or encouraged, but seldom will you hear of the damage you've done because of your careless words or attitude.
3. Practice the art of silence.
"Even fools are thought wise when they keep silent; with their mouths shut, they seem intelligent". Proverbs 17:28 NLT.
The day President George W. Bush was told of the 911 attack on our country he was sitting in front of a group of school children. His immediate reaction was "silence". A masterful example of a leader who took the action of inaction saying nothing until he could gather facts before speaking.
4. Think about the words you use. Do you communicate to impress or express? Have you developed an intellectual vocabulary that paints pictures filled with compassion and understanding? Do you genuinely understand the word you're using? In our PC culture, we misuse words routinely and intentionally to invoke emotional responses. Words like "racist" or "hero" have lost their meaning. Having a prejudice or bias does not equate to being a racist. If you are a firefighter, police officer, or nurse that does not make you a hero. You are a person doing your job.
5. Guard your mouth. Do you routinely use four-letter words to try and make a point? If so let me tell ya, you don't sound cool. Actually, it not only sounds dumb but also makes you look foolish, a person with a limited vocabulary who resorts to vulgarity to cover up inadequacies. You diminish yourself with foul language and you demean your listener.
6. Begin each day with a reflection of the previous day and consider your words carefully. Words you'll never get back once they've left your mouth.
Suppose
If all that we say in a single day,
With never a word left out.
Were printed each night
in clear black and white
‘Twould prove strange reading, no doubt.
And then, just suppose,
‘ere our eyes we could close,
We must read the whole record through;
Then wouldn’t we sigh,
and wouldn’t we try
A great deal less talking to do?
And I more than half think
That many a kink
Would be smoother in life’s tangled thread.
If half that we say in a single day
Were left forever unsaid.
--Author Unknown
I must admit, I'm profoundly ashamed and embarrassed about some of the things I've said to people, be they colleagues, clients, my children or spouse, or even casual encounters. So let me say sincerely if you have been a recipient of my words or action that has caused harm or detracted from helpfulness or goodness, I'm sorry...
I'm on this journey of life just as you are and it's still my desire to ....
Finish Well.
